Good Enough

GOOD ENOUGH
After almost twelve years of incarceration and some intense de-programming along with programming, I find myself feeling as I did when I was a young-impressionable child. Since I am of mixed ethnicity, I never felt "Black," or "White" because I am both. So, as a child, I never connected with or fit in anywhere. Try as I might, I was never "Black" enough, or "White" enough. Wow, years later, a similar feeling has emerged.. As a convicted felon, doing time, will I ever be "good enough" to return to society?

Over the years I have discovered just how dysfunctional my upbringing was. Sure, my family did the best they could, my teachers did the best they could, and I am thankful that they did. However, I now wonder if the very blueprint they started off with was dysfunctional in & of itself. Society is built on a system of checks & balances. If one area of the system is a little or a lot off, the rest of the system is out of balance. The choices I made, which put me where I am, did nothing to help balance the system. My choices only helped de-stabilize the system even more.

There will never be a shortage of people to point out what the problem is. There will probably never be a long line of people who admit they are part of the problem. Sadly, there are probably many people who do not care either way. In spite of any of these possibilities or realities, here 1 am pointing the finger at myself, because ultimately, I made the choices that I made.

As a result of the choices I made, the ripple effect has been, and continues to be, not only intense, but sometimes overwhelming. After reflecting on the sheer magnitude of the ripple effect from my choices, and my own journey to heal, I have developed a sense of urgency as I have never known. This sense of urgency pushes & pulls me to not only make changes in my life, but to help others to make changes in their lives. Knowing just how connected we all are inspires me to do a little bit more and a little bit more, and a little bit more to help others.

In conclusion, I am not crusading to change the world, just to change myself. Whether I am incarcerated or free, I am still a part of the world-global community. If the changes I make to help perpetuate a new (positive) ripple effect in here, out there, now, or later, I ask, is that good enough? It is not just me who asks this question. Many other men & women in prison would like to know if all their efforts to change & rehabilitate themselves is enough. If not, then, what is..., good enough?